If only your average politician had this kind of integrity:

Breaking News: According to the Onion News Network the U.S. government has faked a coup in order to renege on our debts. It apparently beat out our other options like pretending to be Canada or burning the country down to collect the insurance.

The prestigious Onion News Network reports President Obama has decided to cut spending, but not with stimulus dollars or TARP. Rather, Obama pulls the plug on plans to develop billion dollar dragon tank.

We got some grim news today. According to Treasury Spokesman Ronald Schuler, speaking at a live press conference carried by the prestigious Onion News Network, all of our currency is extremely unsafe, will probably kill us and therefore must be recalled: