According to Bloomberg, Ben Bernanke and the Federal Reserve have pledged “to keep the main interest rate near zero for an “extended period” and confirmed that emergency measures to prop up the housing market will end as planned this month.”

Glenn Beck vs. Keith Olbermann: Watching either of their shows brings us uncomfortably near the absolute epitome of douchebag, but alas, when push comes to shove, only one can be the victor. Here I will discuss their individual merits and try to determine who can rightfully claim the throne in all of its douche-filled glory… But when the chips are down, we all know that it is either Keith Olbermann or Glenn Beck who will hold the crown of greatest douchebag in the history of the world.

Here’s the problem: the United States has lost approximately 3.3 million jobs since the stimulus package was passed. Unemployment has risen from 7.6% to over 10%. Furthermore, if you include people who are underemployed (working part-time even though they’d prefer to work full-time) or have simply given up on finding a job, unemployment is closer to 20%. So how, exactly, does Obama know he’s saved 640,000 or a million jobs or whatever it is? The exact methodology is difficult to ascertain, but the best explanation I can come up with is an extremely creative imagination.

This summer, the IRS rewarded Nicolas Cage for his “efforts” with a $6 million tax lien on his New Orleans’ properties for unpaid taxes. So the IRS, lead by tax cheat Timothy Geithner, is cracking down on Nicolas Cage for unpaid taxes. How ironic. Or perhaps, “how fitting” would be a better way to put it. After all, I think Tim Geithner, our spend-happy congress, the Federal Reserve, George Bush and Barack Obama can give Nicolas Cage a run for his money (what little is left of it) when it comes to irresponsible spending. Honestly, look at what our government has been doing:

Like the title says:

Typical government response; program X hasn’t worked, it’s obviously because we didn’t spend enough:

Now that we can admit Hoover did more than any president before him in fighting off an economic recession, what should we conclude from this… The first time the Federal Government significantly intervenes to stop an economic downturn just happens to be at the beginning of the worst depression in American history, thus proving the government didn’t do enough?

Can anyone site one credible example where Keynesian economics and budget deficit spending effectively created economic growth?

Warren Buffet didn’t like the first stimulus, stating it was “watered down.” Now, the Berkshire Hathaway CEO longs for a second stimulus package. His use of a Viagra metaphor, in explaining his point of view, is sure to amuse:

Widely hailed as good news, housing starts increased 17.2% in May to annual adjusted rate of 532,000. This certainly means the real estate market and thus the economy are heading back in the right direction. Not so fast there slick. Unfortunately, at the beginning of the 2009, according to Bloomberg, there were 19 million vacant houses in the United States!